Welcome to Par-teaTime

I have 2 daughters. I have worked their entire lives to show them that girls have options. They can decide their paths and choose the lives they want to live. I wanted them to know they have options. I worked part time when they were young. I managed software projects and designed business applications a couple days a week and at nights when they were sleeping. Now that they are older, I took on additional responsibilities and work full time. I still always put them first. I am still always available (most of the time……). I just have a relentless job that always wants more from me than anyone should ever be willing to give. But that has always been ok with me. I make sure to put us first and figure out a way to make a way for work to fit into our lives. I thought I was being a great role model. I thought I was being a mom they would strive to be like. I thought wrong. A couple of months ago, the girls asked if we could go to Disney World for a week. Normally that would be a hard NO but since my oldest is going off to college in the fall, I decided to put family first and find a way to make it work. I tried my best to balance it all. I worked on the plane and after the parks closed. I was emotionally available more than any other parent I know. When we sat down for dinner one night, I asked the girls about the future and what they would like to do when they “grow up”. Both of them firmly let me know that they didn’t want to do what I do. They said I am always working and even when I am on vacation I am working. They said they don’t want a job that needs them so much. I felt devastated. I still feel devastated 2 months later. I thought my smart girls were going to follow in my footsteps with a big career in software. Nope. They want their dad’s job. They said, why would we want your job when you can make way more working less. It wasn’t a put down on their dad at all. In their eyes they see someone who has managed to be successful and is always in a position to have fun. Their mom who works hard to make their company and employees and clients successful just doesn’t seem as motivating. Is it just the result of a generation without a strong work ethic? I wish it was but my youngest is the hardest worker I know. She is one of those people that goes above and beyond even when she doesn’t need to. She doesn’t want to go into software because she thinks I am treated like crap. I call it hard work and they think it is being taken advantage of. I wish I knew where I went wrong. I have been open and honest with them about the difficulties of managing it all. Let’s face it, moms have to manage everything at home and everything at work. It’s not easy by any means. I wanted to prepare them and I find I have scared them. I am writing this tonight hoping that I will somehow have an epiphany on what I did wrong and how I can fix it. Unfortunately, nothing is coming up. Instead I recall the one time I know I said too much to my daughter. I regret it and it haunts me. Not because of what I did but because of the fact that I haven’t done enough to fix it. It was maybe 6 months ago. I came home from work sad. I never go into the office because of covid but I did this one day because I needed some new equipment. I was getting promoted and I should have been excited. I was waiting on the couch for a friend to pick me up for happy hour. My daughter says, what is wrong. Such a simple statement. She saw something in her kind heart and simply asked if I was ok. Out of the blue, I burst into tears. I am not a crier but the tears suddenly poured. I said, it’s 2020 and I just want to be paid the same a man. I didn’t mean to say that. I didn’t mean to cry. I didn’t want to cry. It came out because my heart couldn’t take knowing that I was treated less because I was a women. I’m smart, hard working, and very well respected at my company. I don’t want to believe that I am paid less because I am a women but I know deep down that it is true. I didn’t learn until months later just how much less I am paid. It’s six figures less than a man in a similar position. I thought this post was about my girls not wanting to do software but maybe it’s because secretly I think they think software is a mans industry that hasn’t quite figured out the value of women. I have brought it up to my boss but he doesn’t really care. He makes up some dumb excuse that we both know is a lie. They think I don’t need as much because my husband is successful. I’ve heard that one before.

Since I am putting my business on the street, I guess it’s time to hold myself accountable. I have to say something. I have to do something. I have to make it so my daughters think that working in software is as amazing as I think it is. I am doing exactly what I should be doing. I used my brain, I learn, I shared my knowledge. It’s everything I want from a job minus the fact that a-hole men think that since I don’t look like them and act like them I deserve to be paid less. If anyone reads this, please call me out. Please motivate me to fix this issue. I don’t want to. I need to.

Tea: No way. It’s after midnight and I have 6 meetings before noon. I need to go to bed.

The truth eventually comes out. I tell myself that all the time. I’m in a tough situation and I know some day the truth will come out. In the meantime, I am alone with this knowledge and it isn’t fun. Well, I shouldn’t say I am alone. I have a wonderful family who knows what happened and they are supportive and loving and kind. Even when they are put in uncomfortable situations they are firm in their knowledge of the truth. They are firm in their love for me.

This week was interesting to say the least. I talked to a friend that I haven’t talked to in months. I call her a friend but she was so much more than that to me. She was someone that I thought really knew me and loved me, weaknesses and all. That was until a few months ago. After our fallout, I had written her off. She was mad at me and didn’t want to talk to me about it. She ignored me when my life was at its worst When we finally talked, I understood why she was mad at me. Someone told her that I said awful things about her. I knew that this woman did it to some degree but the lies were far more vicious and painful than I could have ever guessed. The lies hurt just hearing them and I know they aren’t true. I spoke my truth and gave examples of this other woman’s pattern of lies and attempts to get people to hate the people she didn’t like. The hard part is I can’t understand why someone would make up lies. It hurt my friend and it hurt me. The only person who “won” was the liar because she got me out of the friend group. I guess that is why she does it. For her, that strategy works.

Mad and angry aren’t really in my DNA. I very rarely get mad and when I do, it is very short lived. I am more of a feel sad and hide in my room type of girl I am patient and I forgive easily. I normally consider those my strengths but some days I feel like they are weaknesses. After all of this, I don’t even hate the liar. There has to be something wrong with me if I don’t hate someone that tried to destroy all my friendships. I probably shouldn’t even use the word try. She was successful . Instead, I just wish that she could find peace. Someone with so much deception must live with a lot of angst. That is, unless she tells herself the lies so she herself believes them. After this year, nothing surprises me.

Each week I try to move on and I try to heal. Each time I start to feel like I am going to be ok, something happens and the wound is ripped wide open again. I guess tomorrow, I wake up and I keep moving and someday the wound will heal. It’s definitely going to leave a big scar but I want that scar. I loved all the friends I have lost. Even though they are gone right now, I know eventually the truth will come out and set me free. I may cry myself to sleep but I know I will sleep sound because I know in my heart that I did not betray my friends. I know I am far from perfect but I try every day to be kind. I know that I am loved and the people that truly love me know the truth. If anyone ever reads this, please remember to always be true to yourself. Hold tight to your values. Be kind, communicate, forgive, and most of all love.

TEA: I want my favorite green tea right now but it is too late. Hopefully some lavendar chamomile will calm me for a restful night.

I had to call everyone on my team today and give some kind of bad news.  Everyone had mandatory pay cuts.  2 people had to be reassigned to different projects and worst of all, 1 person has to be let go.  I dreaded every call I had to make.  Every person I talked to took the bad news with grace and kindness.  It made me grateful for each of them but made it sad because I want the best for them.   The covid pandemic has impacted every person in the world.   No one is going to make it through unscathed.  I am trying to do my part but today was rough.

As I reflect on the day I realize that I am glad that it makes me so sad.  I don’t ever want to get to the point that I don’t care about each person that I work with.  My happiness at work is directly tied to the amazing people I work with.  If something bad happens to them, I want to feel sad.  I want that sadness to motivate me to do whatever I can to help.

After I made all the calls I just needed a break.  I closed my computer and tried to unplug.  It wasn’t going well until the beautiful faces of my daughters came in to the kitchen for a snack.  I made them some food then we watched some silly YouTube videos of David Dobrik.  My son even came downstairs to hang out with us.  Suddenly I felt much better.  It was 3:30 on a Wednesday and I hung out on the couch eating snacks and watching a silly and generous kid make us laugh.  There is a lot of bad things going on in the world but I am grateful that my kids are at the age where they are home with me.  They are old enough to be self-sufficient but still so lazy they need me.   I am blessed and I am loved.  Who could ask for anything more.

Be safe and stay healthy.

P.S. On a tea-front…  I got a shipment of Harney and Sons Tea.  Amazon said my tea order wasn’t high priority so I ordered from my favorite tea company.  It came today and I am thrilled.  I got some Athletea.  Not sure what it is but it says it has electrolytes and antioxidants for athletes.  Sounds good to me.  Since I am trapped inside, I have been exercising more.  I’m trying that tea after my next workout.  Fun!!!

Taking four silly 12/13 year old girls to dinner is good for the soul.  I was having a sad day today but I told my daughter I would take her friends out to dinner.   The original plan was for me to take them to a place where they could eat alone and I would shop in the shopping center to give them some alone time.  They chose Spaghetti Factory and Dutch Bros which meant no shopping for me.  I didn’t brush my hair today, wash my face, or even put on makeup but I took them like I promised.   Now that we are home, my brain is forever ingrained with the sound of the laughter and wow do I feel better.   They have no idea that their infectious laughs can cheer an old lady up.

I think I should probably change the name of this blog because lately I haven’t written about tea, I have no one to golf with, and I am not up for partying.  I’ll keep it though as my online journal to chronicle my ups and downs in life.   Life isn’t always easy and I hope this will be a reminder when times get good again to appreciate the life I have.  Knowing me though, I’ll probably delete it all and be ashamed that I felt so bad.  But for now, I write knowing that today was hard and tomorrow has hope to be better.

I saw something online today by Jay Shetty, about living for the weekends but ending up feeling weak.  It resonates so much with me today.  I am too busy to be sad during the week.  During the week, I work so hard to be great at my job and to be present in my children’s lives.  I look forward to the weekends but when they get here, lately I end up so sad and lonely.   My husband ran in to my friends last night all having a good time.  Two of them ask how I was doing.  I wish he said nothing but instead he said I wasn’t doing great and that it would mean so much if they would reach out and text me.  Why did he even tell me this.  I wish I didn’t know.  Granted, he told two ladies that I adore and admire.  Women that are successful, independent, and good.   Women that go above and beyond with both work and family.  Women that I completely relate to.  I think he thought it was a safe bet that they would text me.  They did not reach out.  I spent the day in tears knowing they know I am hurting and they don’t love me enough to send a text.  If my husband didn’t tell me I would have been blissfully ignorant that how I feel towards them isn’t the same as how they feel towards me.   He was trying to help me and unfortunately it ended up hurting me.  I can’t win because I also feel bad for him since he feels bad for trying and failing.

I hid the tears from my family today.   I’m not sure how I feel about that but I do know that taking my daughter and her friends to dinner was exactly what I needed.  I have her for 5.5 years before she heads off to college.  I am going to take advantage of every minute I have with her.  She still wants to hang out with me and for that I feel blessed.  I’m extra blessed because my 16 year old still likes to spend time with me too.   I spent the day with her yesterday.  My son however, barely wants to spend time with me.  He knows I love him and that will have to be enough for now.    I don’t know why I put so much emphasis on my happiness based on my friends.  I need to learn to better appreciate the love my family has to offer.  Not just the love of my husband and kids but also the love from my siblings and in-laws.  We often take for granted the love that is right in front of us.  My heart is still aching a bit, but I can hear the giggles of the girls throughout my house and I know everything is going to be ok.

Thank you to the mom’s of these precious girls.  They are kind and silly and I am lucky to have spent the evening with them.

I always thought that being nice was enough.  On the chalkboard in my kitchen it says “It’s nice to be important but it’s more important to be nice”.  I honestly try to be nice every single day of my life.  I think I thought that made me a good person but now after the worst couple of months in history, I fear I am wrong.  Being nice isn’t enough.  Sure, it is a lot better than being mean or even worse, indifferent, but it isn’t enough.  There are so many people being hurt, being treated badly, being put down and what really have I done to help them?  I can do more and from now on, I will do more.

I have had some serious family issues in the last couple of months.  My world started to crumble then to pile on, we have some health issues our extended family is dealing with.  It’s been tough but what gets me through is the love and compassion from others.  It’s not the people that are “nice”.  It’s people who make me feel loved when I need it the most.  It’s the people who choose compassion over judgement.  It’s the people that check in on me to make sure I am ok.  It’s sad but true when people say you see who your friends are when the going gets tough.  I learned that I have very few friends but the ones I have are golden.  What gives me peace is receiving love from unexpected places as well.  Work friends, random acquaintances, people who are also struggling have changed my life for the better.  There is love in the world and I will never forget it.   I know these tough times will pass and I want to make sure that I learn from all the experiences.

The lesson that hurts right now is knowing that I haven’t done enough to help other people that I know have struggled.  My “friends” like to ostracize individuals from the group.  A couple of them like to hate people then like to get other people to hate them too.  I honestly thought I was above all that nonsense but now that I am the one no one will talk to, I realize all the others that have been hurt like me.  We all seem  to follow along.  I never disliked any of the girls I was convinced to steer clear of.  It pains me to know they felt the same way I feel now.  I could have been strong and stuck up for them and I didn’t.  Sure, I was “nice” when I saw them but being nice to them didn’t help them through their tough time.  I was a terrible friend.  They needed someone to stick up for them and I acted like an insecure child and did nothing.  I have to do better.  I will do better.  I will not be influenced by hate.

So my goal for this year, decade, and life is to not only be nice but to also be strong and compassionate.  The world doesn’t change without people willing to stand up and make the change.  Hate spreads so much faster than love but love is so much stronger.  I choose love and I choose to be stronger.

With that, I’m going to have a strong cup of tea.   Actually, it’s late, I am going to have some chamomile and go to bed.

Yesterday was my birthday.  I planned on writing but instead I gave myself the freedom to do nothing.  Normally, I would feel guilty being lazy for an entire day but since it was my birthday it was my gift to myself.  Although I am not thrilled about getting older, I love having birthdays because they give me the opportunity to start fresh a new year.  I guess I do it at New Year’s and new school year’s too but my birthday let’s me close the door on the past and open the door to the next year.

43 was not my favorite year.  It wasn’t terrible but it certainly wasn’t my best.  I am hoping to start 44 on a new foot.  I need to leave all the bad behind and start something new.   If I learned one thing, I learned that the world has far more kindness than it has darkness.  Sometimes we are just too focused on the pain to see all the good around us.

This year, I hope to see all the little miracles that surround me every day.   44 years plus 1 day and so far so good.  I went into work with a happy heart.  I did a good job and I encouraged my team.  I came home from work, spent time with my kids and made them a healthy, delicious meal. I cuddled my dog and I went over to a friends house with only positive energy.   I noticed when there was negative around me.  I wasn’t blind to it.  I didn’t avoid it.  I confronted it with the positive energy I used to have but have recently lost.  It’s the end of the day and I feel blessed.  Blessed to have a job that is far from perfect but perfectly suits where I want to be right now.  Blessed to have an amazing, healthy family that I look forward to spending time with.   Blessed to have people that I am lucky enough to call my friends.

I know it won’t be easy to focus on the good.  I know it’s easy to get caught up in the bad.  I know I will slip up.  I know I will need encouragement but I will try.   I will move forward confidently knowing that I am good and I am doing the best I can.   I am leaving behind the people that have made me question who I am; the people who gave up on me even though I would never give up on them.   It may take more than my 44th year for the hurt to go away but I move knowing that I always have good intentions.  I always try to be kind and I would never knowingly  hurt anyone.  Anyone who doesn’t know that about me hasn’t taken the time to get to know me and although, I grieve the loss of them, it is they who are truly missing out.

 

 

 

8/15/2019

Yesterday I picked up my daughter from middle school.  I asked her how her day was and she said really good until the last five minutes then she burst in to tears.  I could tell that she must have been keeping it together until she got to the safety of my car.   Her friends all had a great day but one girl invited everyone in the group to Starbucks except 2 girls; my daughter being one of them.  Someone also told my daughter they heard this girl say under her breath not to tell my daughter.   I was so devastated for her.  No one likes to be left out.  No one likes when people are talking bad about them.  I tried to console her to no avail.  Finally my older daughter said she was driving her to Starbucks so she could see if this was even true.  I’m not sure if that is technically the best solution.  They had no plans to say anything to them.  I was just happy that my older daughter was supporting her little sister.   Later when I drove the 2 uninvited girls to cheer practice, I gave them some advice.  I told them that getting left out hurts when you are young and it hurts when you are old.  I told them that you aren’t always going to get invited to everything and that is ok.  Instead of being mean back to the girl who planned everything, I told them to give her some space.  I also tried to get them to think about what is going on in the other girl’s life that might have prompted her to single out just them.  Their friend isn’t typically mean and I am sure her meanness was prompted by some pain she must be feeling.  I gave them some possible examples.

I think the advice I gave the girls applies to everyone.  I think all the disagreements or hurt feelings in my friend group can be cured with a little empathy and understanding.  We all love each other so much but sometimes our own insecurities cause us to inadvertently hurt each other.   As established friends, we need to always realize that we don’t have bad intentions in anything we do.  If we hurt someone it is most likely not intentional.   If someone hurts us, we need to remember that.    I encouraged my daughter to talk to her friend but she is still nervous to have difficult conversations.  Many adults are no different.   As friends, we also need to help our other friends get along.  I told my daughter that now that she knows how it feels she needs to help her friends that might feel the same way.   As much as I try, I find that this is harder with adults.  Everyone is busy and everyone wants to stay out of everything.   I don’t think we all need to meddle in each other’s every action but sometimes friends need to help other friends out.   Each friend group needs some glue.  In my high school friend group it is Jenny.  She keeps us together no matter what.   I am so grateful to have her keep all of us together.  I wish I was the glue type of person.  I think I might be too introverted to be that person but for some reason I always encourage my extroverted daughters to be the glue.

I hope my daughter has a better day at school today.  I hope she is kind and builds good, healthy relationships because girls that have positive friendships when they are young are more likely to have strong friendships when they are adults.

TEA RECOMMENDATIONS:  Ice tea with some friends.  I went to Starbucks for iced green tea with my girlfriends yesterday morning and my daughters went to Starbucks together after school.

QUOTE:  I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.  – Augusten Burroughs

May 1, 2019

Today was career day my niece’s school.  She knew she wanted to be an engineer or a scientist but wasn’t sure which one to dress up as.  My brother told her to be a chemical engineer because that is what her Aunt Amy got a degree in.  She now wants to be a ChemE because it is an engineer and a scientist.  My brother posted the pic in our family’s FB group.  My twin sister responds that her daughter wants to be a chemical engineer too.   Who knows what they will end up doing but 2 young girls that I adore want to be chemical engineers because of me!   Too bad I ended up in computer science.   As much as I love the part of the story that they want to be like me, the part the makes me happy is they are strong, intelligent girls who know they can be anything they want.  They say there aren’t enough girls going into STEM jobs but my family is the exception.  It never crosses our minds that we like “boy” fields.  My daughters and nieces are gifted at math.  I didn’t like math in school, I loved math.  I still love math.  When my sophomore daughter asks for help in her junior math class, I love re-learning it quickly so I can teach her.

I doubt myself all the time.  I get nervous about taking professional leaps.  I sometimes underestimate my professional value but I have never believed that being a girl means I am not good at math or science or engineering.  We have all been given gifts in our lives and it is our responsibility to use them.   I’m not sure if it just because our dad embraced our analytical abilities or our strong-willed personalities wouldn’t allow us to think otherwise.

My first two children are very comfortable with their strong analytical strengths.  My youngest is different.  She is one of the very best kids in school in math.  I think she has missed maybe 1 or 2 problems on a test this entire school year.   Her teacher knows that she is good and he gives her a lot of praise.  I loved this in school but she gets embarrassed by it.  She doesn’t want to be in advanced math next year because most of her friends won’t be in that class.  She is at the stage in life where she worries too much about what other people think about her.   She doesn’t yet realize the gift she has.  Did I do something wrong with her.  How can she possibly think this?  I am hoping she grows out of this.  I know I got out of AP chemistry because I had no friends in the class.  She knows that story and I told her that I regret that decision even though it wouldn’t have mattered, I missed the second half of the class when I was an exchange student.  Lucky for her, I won’t let her get out of taking the harder class for friends.

Kids change career choices throughout their childhood.  The advice I always give to my kids is go in the direction of your gifts.  If you are talented at something you should take classes using that talent.  Eventually it will lead you to the career you are looking for.   I tell them to ask people they know what they would be good at because they can’t even comprehend all the careers there are out there.  Finally, I tell them to be nervous and try new things.   As I always say “life would be boring if you are never nervous”.  I can’t predict what they will all end up doing but I am certainly excited to cheer them along the whole way.

TEA RECOMMENDATION:  T2 Tea – Gorgeous Geisha – yummy and something different

For some reason I only get the urge to write when I am traveling or when I am sad.  That’s just terrible.  I am either seeing the world or moping on my couch in my pajamas.  I seriously need to change that.   I feel most alive when I am traveling to far away places.  I write to remember all the places I visit.  I write when I am sad to try to make some sense of how I feel.  I guess it’s my way to grieve.   I want to start writing about my happy so if my kids ever read my ramblings they know that I have lived a happy life.

I am almost always happy.  I am pretty sure that most people I know would agree.  I have a great family, live in a great city, and have lots of friends.  I know I am blessed.  But life is never always happy.  There are always times in your life when things decide to all go wrong.  When you feel like you can’t catch a break.  That time for me is right now.  My health isn’t ideal (not super sick but not 100% by any means).  My job situation isn’t great.  I have some issues in a friendship.  It all hurts but I know these feelings are temporary.  I have to hope that hard times exist to make sure you appreciate the good times.   Everyone grieves differently.  Everyone deals with sadness differently.  Everyone deals with disappointment differently.   I no longer want to be in this sad cycle so its time for me to fight to get me out of it.

• Assess your sources of pain and attempt to come up with a plan to fix them.
  • Health – I have Hashimoto’s Disease. It’s new so it will take a few months to get back to normal.  It makes me tired, gain weight, and it completely dried out my hair/skin.
  • Work – I just finished up an old job. It’s just so weird.  My boss and I had a disagreement then slowly there was less to do.  Seeing as how we were friends for 15 years you would think we could talk it out.  Some people are weird and just want to avoid issues.  I still get emails from the job, I just have no tasks.   So strange.  Luckily I found a new side project working with someone who is a good person. It’s only temporary but at least it is something to do.
• Focus on what’s going right –
  • This is easy for me right now. MY FAMILY is going right. My husband is being supportive.  My kids are being kinder to each other (baby steps….).  I am so close to my kids.  I am literally the luckiest person on the planet to have a twin and little sister that just get me and love me.  I am super close to my nieces.  I love them like I love my kids and for that I am grateful.
  • I have friends that noticed something was wrong and are reaching out. I didn’t say anything to them and they noticed.  How lucky am I.
• Exercise – My thyroid, the holidays, then a terrible cold has made my routine workouts a little less routine.  I am getting back into my rhythm and it is remarkable how good it makes me feel better.
• Hobbies – Sometimes you just need to get your mind off things. I have been crafting and decorating and that is good for the soul.  Maybe I should start reading again too.

Update:  I started writing this about a month ago but had to stop for some reason.  I just saw the unfinished writing and as I reread it, I realized just how accurate it is.   I am not completely back to normal but I feel like I am on the upswing and that feels good.  I am going to keep on fighting and hopefully soon I will be feeling great (just in time for summer).

 

TEA RECOMMENDATIONS:  None I suppose.  I have been sticking to my favorites.  The ones that make be feel relaxed and happy.  Perhaps I be suggesting a teeth whitener instead.  I think my tea obsession is staining my teeth.

It’s 10am on a Thursday and I am moping in bed drinking some green tea.

I think the most painful thing in life is to see your kids sad.  I can handle being sad for myself but I seriously cannot handle my kids being sad.  I’m hoping that just writing freely without a plan will help.  My daughter got in trouble at school and the punishment was too big for the crime.   I can’t complain about the punishment because she was wrong.  I think the reason I feel sad isn’t because of what she did or how the school reacted, I think I am sad because they don’t want her to succeed.  I don’t think they want her to fail per se but instead they don’t care either way.  In some way, I feel they are watching and waiting for her to fail.  It’s not their job to take my rough around the edges daughter and make her great.   She’ll never be that sweet, nerdy girl who talks to her teacher after class.  She’ll never be an easy child that always makes the right decisions.   But in the end, I would choose her over any “perfect” child.  When she lets people in to her world she is silly and fun.  She is daring and smart.   I think she has higher chance of greatness than other kids who fit the mold of a normal kid.  It’s just hard right now.  It’s just hard while she figures out who she is.

Going through this makes me reflect on my high school years.  You would never know it by talking to me now but I was not an easy child.  My daughter is just like me.  I won’t tell her this until she gets a little older because I can’t give her false hope that even difficult children and can turn in to successful, “normal” adults.   Even though I wasn’t an easy child, I had a couple of teachers that saw my potential.  My junior English teacher and my math teacher.   Just like my daughter, I wasn’t the sweet rule-following type but my English teacher recommended me for Academic Decathlon the beginning of my junior year.  It was a ton or work and not really something I was interested in but I did it because she thought I would be good at it.   I am terrible at grammar and writing but I got 1^st place in the essay contest that year because of her.  My math teacher did the same thing for me.  I missed most of pre-calculus because I was a foreign exchange student.  When I came back for my senior year, the school told me I needed to take pre-calculus.  That teacher stood up for me and said I could skip right to calculus and I would be fine.  She was right, my name was always on the wall for the highest test scores.  She also helped me get 2^nd place in Math in Academic Decathlon my senior year without even taking pre-calc.  She saw my potential, she believed in me and I wouldn’t let her down.

I guess through writing this I see what is hurting me.  Others don’t see the potential in my daughter that I see.  That hurts.  I thought maybe her cheer coach/PE teacher did because like my daughter, she isn’t warm and fuzzy.  Unfortunately, I think I am wrong.   You can’t ask someone to see another person’s potential.  It’s hard for busy teachers to reach teenagers that are hard on the outside but good on the inside.  You just have to hope that God’s plan for your daughter includes a teacher, a coach, an adult outside your family that wants to see your daughter succeed.   People rise when they know they are believed in.

 

P.S.  When I am sad I always remember my favorite quote (which I found as a teenager):

Those who don’t know how to weep with their whole heart, don’t’ know how to laugh either.  – Golda Meir

It’s so true.  I feel sadness so deep but I also feel amazing joy.  I will take the sad so I can feel the joy any day.

 

March 5, 2017

Why does the US not like tea?  Throughout the rest of the world, tea is part of the culture.  I was in Sydney, Australia last week and the meeting agenda had tea breaks.  Granted, most people had coffee but there was definitely tea available and the meeting breaks were called morning tea or afternoon tea.  I got to Hong Kong last night and there was a mysterious picnic basket contraption on the dresser at my hotel.  Not sure what it was I opened it up and to my surprise it was the cutest, insulated tea pot holder.  My hotel had hot tea waiting for me when I arrived at 11pm.  Needless to say, I LOVE this hotel.  It just makes me wonder, why is tea time not observed in the US?  I guess the South has sweet tea but that isn’t really what I am talking about.  Tea time is the best.  It is a reason to stop your day, relax with a hot drink, and connect with people.  Are we too busy in the US to stop and enjoy some tea?  In fact, when I say it is tea time, people in the US think I am going to golf.

I am writing this blog entry sitting in my hotel room in Hong Kong drinking a cup of tea.  Outside my window is a bustling city.  I actual see two tea stores from my room.  I also see Rolex and Cartier stores.  I could care less about the jewelry and watches, I am much more interested in finding a little tea accessory in one of the tea stores.  That is officially weird.   I am glad there is something I love so much that it makes me happy to see it around the world.  Maybe it makes me feel a little more comfortable alone in a huge city.  My coworker flaked on me so I am here alone and perhaps something as simple as a cup of tea is all it takes to make me feel not so alone.  Hobbies and passions are great for making you feel like you belong.  It’s a big world and we are looking for ways to connect us to each other.  What hobbies or passions do you have that connect you to the world and the people in it.  Whatever it is, no matter how “weird” it may be, it is part of your world and it is important.

It’s starting to get dark so I need to figure out where to go to see this Symphony of Lights.  I am officially not a person who likes to travel alone.  I want my family and friends.

Tea Recommendation:  Drink tea with a friend.  Turn off the tv, put down your phone, drink tea, and connect.

Last month I went to Mongolia for work.  Seriously, I went to Mongolia.  It was the first time I have ever travelled internationally for work.  Most people go to London or Beijing.  I go to Mongolia.  It was a great experience on many levels.  I am pretty sure I would never make my way to Mongolia if it wasn’t for work and for that I am grateful for a job that takes me to places I would never have dreamed of going.  Although Mongolia is a landlocked country, it seems to me like they are on island time.  They don’t start work too early, meetings have an approximate start time, and it is just easier to walk where you are going.  My ideal day follows island time too.  I like to work hard and accomplish things but why are we always so rushed and stressed.  I attended more than one meeting on that trip where I sat at the table where multiple organizations discussed the software I was there to implement for them and I didn’t understand a single word that was said for hours.  I would get debriefed on all the decisions at the end.   I found the meetings interesting because you could see who was respected, who was in charge, and who didn’t want to be there based on body language and tone.  Thankfully the team was knowledgeable and committed so the decisions they made without my input were solid.  Perhaps the most exciting part of the meetings to me was the tea service.  When we were at the government offices, I could count on a nice woman coming in with a silver tray and serving each person a cup of tea.  The entire room of people sipped on tea while making important software decisions.  Since I had a lot of time to kill in a meeting where I understood nothing, I tried to figure out how to take a picture of my tea but I wasn’t able to come up with a way to take the picture without looking even weirder than I already did sitting quietly at the table.  I absolutely love that tradition but I am not sure how that would go over in the US.  Perhaps a silver tray of coffee but not tea.  My entire week in Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia was great from a tea perspective.  Every meal I was served tea.  Ahhh….  From a life perspective going to Mongolia was also very good because I got to learn about a different culture.  The average monthly income there is $400 per month.  Many people are so poor they live in yurts they call gers.  They are little hut/tents with a pipe at the top to vent out the smoke from the burning coal they use for their ovens.  Thousands and thousands of gers polluting the air with their inefficient coal fueled ovens.  Needless to say the air quality is terrible.  The people I met were all very nice and I felt very safe walking around. I get the opportunity to go back in a couple of months to release the software but I am nervous for the -20 degree weather in winter.  Thankfully, Mongolia produces cashmere which is very affordable there.  We have one short life to live.  The world is a pretty big place so now is the time to go an explore it.  You will never regret seeing the world but you will regret not venturing out enough. 

 

Tea Recommendation:  Adagio Tea’s Casablanca Twist.  I found this tea when I was visiting Chicago with some girlfriends.  The tea shop was across the street from my hotel and I went twice a day.  Casablanca twist is a minty darjeeling tea and is perfect on a cold day.